strangely enough, i remembered a lot of what i dreamt last night– mostly because i didn’t want to wake up. a large part of the dream consisted of me running through an airport/hospital trying to find the room that my dad was staying in. i dreamt that we were holding his hands and he woke up and started squeezing ours in return. then he opened up both of his eyes and started talking again. we were able to walk over to the couch together and sit down. i don’t know why i ever left him– i think annie and i got drinks or something. but for some reason we couldn’t find our way back– i couldn’t remember the right room– what floor it was– and the whole place just looked unfamiliar. the rest is just a blur now– i don’t remember if i ever found his room again….

Dream Dictionary Definitions:
Dreaming that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. Alternatively, you may be trying to adjust and get accustomed to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing. Dreaming that someone else is lost, represents unresolved issues or feelings regarding the person that is lost. Consider also what aspect of that person you may have lost within your own self. Perhaps you need to recapture and re-acknowledge those aspects.

Dreaming that you are cooking means your desire desire to influence others in such a way that they will like you or become dependent on you. Alternatively, it represents your nurturing side or wanting to be nurtured. You want to be loved. Dreaming that you have difficulties cooking indicates that you are trying too hard.

Echo
I think about your face / And how I fall into your eyes / The outline that I trace / Around the one that I call mine / Time that called for space / Unclear where you drew the line / I don’t need to solve this case / And I don’t need to look behind // Close my eyes / Let the whole thing pass me by / There is no time / To waste asking why // So I’ll run away with you by my side / I need to let go of this pride / Until this echo in my mind // Before this echo can subside / Do I expect to change / The past I hold inside / With all the words I say / Repeating over in my mind / Some things you can’t erase / No matter how hard you try / An exit to escape/ Is all there is left to find

i’ve been leaning on my friends quite a bit lately– they’ve been taking care of me more than i would have expected– although i wouldn’t have expected less…. somehow. it’s hard to explain. since the funeral, i’ve been playing catch-up at school– and stressing out about it to the point where sometimes i can’t sleep. …but then there’s henry, who spent the weekend getting me up to speed when he could have been studying, and there’s cat, who on her own volition, sent me notes for all my classes, and then there’s susan and francisca– whose house i crashed late last night for last minute studying when i didn’t want to be alone. sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever be as good a friend if i was given the opportunity. we’ll have to wait and see.

for now, i’ll just float along and try to get back to a “normal” place in my life– all the while trudging through the marathon/sprint of finals. at least my next final will be open-book– i think my brain needs a rest.

i see this bumper sticker now and then, and i really like the quote, although i don’t know where it comes from– or if it comes from anywhere besides the bumper sticker factory.

“and in life there is an orchestra of things both major and minor keys, but love will always sing”

it’s been a long week– struggling to function at school while adjusting to life without a father. it’s a strange feeling– and i’m constantly reminded that my “parents” have been reduced to “parent” and i have to correct myself.

hopefully, my finals will go well, and i’ll be able to spend a good amount of time with my family. we’ll clean the house, organize the paperwork, and perhaps take a short vacation. christmas shopping will be non-existant. i haven’t yet caught on to the holiday spirit.

i want to thank all of the people that helped my family out during the past few months– but i can’t seem to make myself sit down and relive the whole thing. perhaps later– when i can’t distract myself with schoolwork.

Dream Dictionary Definition: Seeing a tsunami in your dream, represents that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feelings or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface. You are experiencing some unhappiness and emotional instability in some waking situation.

i’ve been having odd dreams lately– and it’s fun to look up what bits and pieces i remember on the dream dictionary. last night, i was stopped at a red light when a giant tsunami rose a few miles down on the cross street. the wave crashed, flooded the street, and then a flood of cars drove past. thinking this was slightly strange, but clearly normal, i continued on my way once the light turned green. i think this may have happened a few times before i reached my destination– a parking lot of some shopping center.

so apparently i’m being overwhelmed, and according to my previous dreams, i’m quite lonely.

to celebrate ryan’s birthday, we went down to todai for some all you can eat sushi. ryan pigged out on countless pieces of sashimi and lobster, while i continually eyed the crepes. on the rainy drive home, we stopped by for some hot tea at the local tea station. today is his real birthday– i’m looking forward to another happy dinner and relaxation.

i came home this morning to find my new banier (diana clone) camera at my door– so lovingly fed-exed to me from scotia, new york. this one looks to be in even better shape than my other recently deceased diana clone– the arrow. of course, the real test is if it will leak light like a mother. i’ll put in a roll of film today and start shooting around.

for now, i’ll get back to studying omm– the final practical is on friday. good grief. palpate my ischial tuberosity, anyone?

it’s been 1 month and one day since my dad was admitted to the hospital for chest pains. since then, he has been transferred to usc university hospital and then to usc norris cancer center. he was suprisingly upbeat the first week he was at norris, but recently he has become increasingly scared and distressed when family members are not around. when ryan and i visited him last night, he was too sleepy from his painkillers to complain much, but he was surrounded by family, so i hope he was feeling better. this morning he called me on the way to school just to say hi and ask for a salad. that’s a good sign.

the pressures of school and family are bearing down on me… so of course, it’s time for an overhaul of my website. it’s a nice distraction.

i’ve converted to movable type and quite painstakingly transferred my journal over from blogger. it’s only taken me forever and a day to set up my photoblog– so i hope i’ll be happy with this layout until at least winter.