it took me 2 hours to drive the 70-some miles home christmas day in the torrential rain. the visibility was low to nil– all i could do was slow down and hope that a car wouldn’t appear out of nowhere.

the christmas party was at co nga’s house this year– i think adam summed up my feelings when he said, “christmas sucks this year”. no fault to co nga or chu bing– cau dung’s family stayed home because co yen was ill, and without ba ngoai and my dad, the whole house just seemed empty. i thought i would break down in the middle of the party when it came time to take the family pictures. my mom felt ill and refused to be a part of it– but annie and i got it over with so they would stop bothering us. it’s just to early to be repeatedly reminded that our family has been reduced to three.

my dad was usually the center of the christmas party. every year he’d wake up early and get everything ready for the afternoon. i’d hear the vacuum at 8am, and smell the roast cooking in the oven. every year we’d buy way too much food– my mom and i would go to the grocery store for all the supplies– and my dad would come home from the same grocery store with twice what we had bought. paris by night was usually playing in the living room, and the kids were usually hanging out in the dining room near the tree. this year, the kids hid away playing video games in adam’s room, the adults whispered amongst themselves and ate quietly. there was none of the loud talking, laughing, or cheering this christmas.

not only was this the first christmas without my grandmother and my dad, this will be the first new year without my ryan in what seems like a long time. i suspect i’ll end up kissing the stuffed monkey co nga gave me for christmas.

as of now, my throat is irritated to the point where i constantly feel like i’m going to heave what small amounts of turkey i forced down earlier today. my head is throbbing, and my eyes are burning. i’m off to hide under my blanket and hope for a happier morning.

the only good thing? ryan got to michigan safely. he left me a long message on my cell. something about a long plane ride and a warm house. perhaps i’ll get to talk to him tomorrow sometime.

it’s the am on christmas morning. i’m sitting alone in my apartment nursing my sore throat. i’ve developed a cough as well. i think i caught a bug from my boy, who caught it from my sister… and the whole thing was aggrevated by the fact that i spent last night in a cold, cold room. i think ryan’s house was about 40F during the night– and i was stuck without my precious two-fly blankey.

so now i’m sick. ryan’s probably on the plane to michigan by now. after a hot shower and some tea, i’ll probably be on the road to simi. this time i’ll be prepared– mogu pillow, two-fly, and tea. oh the tea.